Nine Days

Nine days.  It had been nine days since Corypheus had been slain.  Nine days.  Nine days since all of Thedas had been saved from complete and utter destruction.  Nine days.  Eight days since Empress Celene of Orlais had awarded and recognized Inquisitor Lavellan and her entire inner circle as heroes who would be known throughout history as legends.  Well...almost her entire inner circle.

 

Lavellan stood in the doorway of the elf’s room, unsure of what to do with herself.  Nine days.  Nine days since Solas had left the Inquisition.  Nine days since he had suddenly disappeared without a trace.  Lelianna’s scouts claimed to have seen him, but Solas somehow had evaded them.  Of course he evaded them.  He probably knew he was being followed.  All that they had to bring back for their efforts were the pieces of the elvhan foci and apologies filled with grief and sorrow.  All lies.  Lavellan knew that once she looked at their faces, stone cold and seemingly unphased by the entirety of the situation.  The only one of them who had a sincere apology was Lelianna herself, possibly because she knew him.

 

The Dalish woman’s midnight blue eyes scanned the room looking at all of the paintings that her lover had created before he left.  All of them depicted a piece of the Inquisition’s story, save for the ending.  She walked over to the one space that was empty, the one place where nothing had been painted - the place where the ending of the story should have been.  

 

Lavellan closed her eyes, placing her left hand upon the wall, while the other rested upon her chest.  She clenched her right hand, grabbing hold of the wolf-jawbone necklace that touched her skin, hidden from the eyes of everyone else.  She did not need anyone asking why she had it, why it wasn’t with Solas where everyone believed it needed to be.  The one material possession he held dear that many believed he would never leave was still within Skyhold’s walls - out of sight but only in Lavellan’s mind.  

 

Nine days.  Nine days since she had seen or even spoken to Solas.  Nine days since he said his final words.  The words that now would forever haunt her.  For all she knew they were the last words she would ever hear the elf speak:

 

“No matter what comes, I want you to know that what we had was real.”   The words echoed in her mind as if it were only yesterday that they had been spoken.  

 

She remembered how at first, he wouldn’t turn to face her, his voice full of grief.  When he had turned around, his face was full of pain, his grey eyes full of sorrow and...regret?  Why didn’t she notice it at the time? Why did go down the stairs, leave him up there alone?  When Lavellan had turned around, the elf was gone.  She remembered that she ran up the stairs as fast as she could, hoping to catch him before he was completely gone.  But by the time she had arrived to where she had left Solas, it was too late.  The elf was gone.  Lavellan kept trying to run forward, but instead stepped on something.  At first, she thought it was just a piece of rubble from the battle with Corypheus, but when she lifted her foot she saw that it was a necklace - Solas’s necklace.  Her eyes went wide in horror.  She knew what it meant, but did not want to believe it...refused to believe it.  She should have told what the others what she found, but when asked, Lavellan had simply thrown the necklace around her neck and hid it underneath the armor she was wearing at the time, where no one else could see it.

 

Nine days.  Nine days since she had lied to them saying that there was no trace of him.  Stupid girl.  Perhaps if she had given the necklace to the scouts...No!  She couldn’t do that, not after Solas had most likely left it there for her to find.  No one else could know she had it.  No one.  Not even her inner circle.

 

Nine days.  Nine days since Solas had left.  Nine days she had debated as to whether or not it was wrong to delve into the Fade to that very moment so that she could follow the spirit that had personified itself as Solas to see where he had gone.  Was it too recent for the spirits to reenact?  Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t.  But how could Lavellan know unless she tried?  Nine days she had asked herself these questions and more.  She had already wandered the Fade to the places she knew he adored most, but there was no sign of him.  Not even the spirits who primarily lived in those areas could say that had seen him recently.  All they ever said was, “The last time he was here, he was here with you.”

 

Lavellan felt a tear begin to trickle down her face, but she wiped it off and opened her eyes, looking once again at the one blank canvas in the room.  She then turned around and made her way to the couch.  Perhaps after nine days, the spirits already were able to recreate the moment.  The young woman lay down upon the couch, and closed her eyes in order to sleep.  Maybe this time, she would find him.  She had to find him.  Did he decide to travel alone as he had before the Inquisition?  After all, with the main threat to Thedas gone and all of the knowledge Solas had of the Fade he had passed on to Lavellan. Did he believe there was no reason for him to stay?  She had to know the reason, needed to know the reason!  

 

Her hand once again fell upon the necklace, and tried to send herself into a temporary slumber.  But just as she was about to fall through the Veil…

 

“You know why he left it, don’t you, Inquisitor?” a voice said in the back of her mind.  A voice that did not belong to her.

 

The Inquisitor sat up on the couch, and saw a young man standing in front of her, his hollow eyes looking at her.  Lavellan sighed and placed her left hand upon her forehead.  

 

“Cole, how many times must I tell you not to sneak up on me like that?” the Dalish woman said.  

 

The spirit boy looked at her with a confused expression as she continued, “And how many more times have I told you not to peer into my thoughts?”

 

The young man twiddled his fingers, his eyes cast downward, “I couldn’t help it.  Your thoughts are usually quiet and calm, like a river.  But lately, they have been loud.  Loud like the Waking Sea.”  Looking into Lavellan’s eyes he said, “I wanted to help.”

 

The girl scowled as she tossed her head, her ebony hair slightly draping over her shoulder.  “Well sorry to disappoint you Cole, but I don’t need your help.” she began, “I’m perfectly fine.”

 

Lavellan then looked down at her hand, at the anchor that had been there for approximately a year.  She looked at the first wall that had been painted, where fire fell from the sky and upon the Temple of Sacred Ashes.  The young woman felt a slight pain in her heart as she remembered the first day the two had met.  To make matters worse, her thoughts began to have a voice again.

 

“Who knew that only after a year that I could become so close to someone?” Cole said, speaking her thoughts freely, “I never thought that I would miss someone this much...or feel this hurt when they left.”

 

As her hand clenched even harder around the necklace, her thoughts were freed once more by the spirit, “Maybe he dropped it by accident.  Solas treasured this more than any other material possession.  He didn’t leave it to say he wasn’t coming back.  He left like this before after his spirit friend died, had he not? Perhaps I am over-reacting?”

 

Lavellan felt her left hand tingle, green energy emitting out of it more by the minute.  “Cole, stop it.” she said in a low whisper.  

 

But the young man continued by doing something that Lavellan did not think he could - he began to recite one of her memories.   “Aelin, I’ve been thinking.”  Cole began, “Do you remember when you asked if me staying in the Inquisition was ever in doubt?”

 

Lavellan’s head snapped in Cole’s direction.  She was becoming quite angry with the spirit.  “I said stop.”

 

It wouldn’t have been as bad if Cole wasn’t reciting a memory she really did not want to remember at the moment: It was the night that she and Solas had made a promise to one another...a promise that was now haunting her every day he was gone…

 

The pair was walking through the streets of an ancient city, deep in the Fade, completely lost to time.  Lavellan was confused as to why the elf had asked her this and replied, “Of course I do Solas. It was one of the first conversations we had without anyone else to interrupt. Why do you ask?”

 

Solas kept his gaze downward, and was a silent for a moment as if he were trying to carefully choose his next words.  Then he broke the silence, saying, “What would you do if I left? Not now, but after Corypheus is defeated?”

 

Lavellan had smiled, thinking he was asking her a trick question as she replied, “I thought that we had decided that after we defeated Corypheus and sealed all of the rifts that we were going to travel together, just the two of us? Wouldn’t I most likely be with you?”

 

“But what if I had suddenly changed my mind and felt that taking you with me would bring you harm?” Solas had asked, “If I had left without telling you? That when you woke up in the morning I was not there where you thought I would be? What would you do?”

 

The Dalish girl’s eyes went wide in shock.  How was she supposed to answer that?!  Was she supposed to say that she would be all right with him just disappearing?!  Lavellan pondered this for a moment, and then chose her next words with caution.  “Well,” she began, “I would try to find you, of course. Find out where you had gone and bring you back.”

 

“Ah…” the elf replied, his eyes cast down once more.

 

The two elves walked in silence for a moment or two.  Then, Solas smiled slightly and stopped walking.  Lavellan turned around to see why he had stopped and saw his iron grey eyes looking straight into her own as he said,. “You would try to bring me back? And if I did not agree with your decision?”

 

“It’s not as if we haven’t disagreed before.” she said.  

 

Solas’s smile then grew as he replied, “I expected no less of you Aelin.  You always do feel the need to try to keep those you care for close, even when they don’t want the same thing as you.”

 

Lavellan laughed as she replied, “Well I am the Inquisitor after all. Someone should have to do what I say sometimes.”

 

The two began to walk once more, the dimly lit streets of the town giving off a strange glow.   “Solas,” Lavellan began, “do you really intend on leaving without telling me?”  

 

The elf looked over at her and replied, “That was not meant to be taken as a warning of things to come, Aelin. It was merely a rhetorical question.”

 

“But you have thought of leaving before without saying anything,” Lavellan continued, “that time after those mages killed your friend, you almost didn’t come back!”

 

“But I returned, did I not?” Solas retorted, “I simply wanted to know how you would react, nothing more.”

 

Lavellan looked down at the ground, trying to keep her gaze away from Solas.  Then she looked over at his necklace.  Then Lavellan had thought of an idea that she thought was foolproof at the time.  

 

“What if one of us ever decided to leave without ever coming back, and we left something behind as a sign? Something only the other could find?” she asked.

 

Solas looked over at her in confusion and asked, “Why would something like that even be necessary? If I wanted to leave I wouldn’t anyone knowing I had left, much less leave a sign!”

 

“I didn’t say only you had to leave something.” Lavellan replied, “I said we as in both of us. It wouldn’t have to be something large, just something simple, like my bracelet from the Keeper. Something important to me because it was given to me to remember my clan before I left for the Temple of Sacred Ashes, just in case”

 

The elvish man pondered this for a moment, and then replied, “All right, I guess it's not so unreasonable a request. Just leave something behind only the other would find and know what it means?”

 

“Yes.” Lavellan replied.  

 

Solas thought this over, and then stated, “Well, if you’re leaving your bracelet, which I know is the one thing you treasure most, then I will leave my necklace. That way, we would both have something simple yet important to remember the other by if one of us left.”

 

Then the two looked into the other’s eyes, and sealed their promise, in a way only those in love ever could.

 

It was hard returning to the memory and the promise that was the only reason why she had even held on to the necklace.  It was even harder for her to hear Cole recite it as if it were just a page in a book.  The Inquisitor stood up, trying as hard as she could to hold back the tears that were begging to be released.  

 

She stretched out her left hand and screamed, “Cole I said stop it!”  Before she realized it, Lavellan had used the power of her anchor to blast the spirit across the room.  

 

When Cole looked up at her, his grey eyes were filled with confusion.  The spirit opened his mouth to speak, but the Inquisitor’s voice came out instead: “Not...another...word!”

 

“I only wanted…” Cole began, but was interrupted.

 

“Wanted to help, I know!” Lavellan snapped, “But I already told you I didn’t need your help nor do I want it! If I wanted my memories recited to me I would have asked Dagna if Calpernia’s crystal could recite memories from my mind!”

 

The spirit looked at her for a moment longer, his mouth open but no words coming out of it.  Lavellan simply assumed he didn’t know what to do and frankly was probably terrified of her at the moment.

 

Then, the two heard a deeper voice come from the doorway.  “He didn’t deserve that, Lavellan.”

 

When the two looked over at the door, they saw a dwarf with dark blonde hair and clad in red.  The man walked over towards Lavellan, his eyes filled with annoyance.  He stood there staring her down, his eyes narrowing more by the moment.  After a moment, the man repeated, “You know he didn’t deserve that.”

 

“I had a good reason to do it.” Lavellan replied, matching the dwarf’s icy glare, “He was digging around in my head. Something he knows I don’t like him doing.”

 

Varric’s eyes never left the Dalish girl as he walked over towards Cole.  He proceeded by turning his gaze to Cole and stretched out his hand.  “You all right kid?” he asked the spirit.

 

Cole took Varric’s hand  as he replied, “Yes Varric.  I...am all right.”  

 

“Good.” Varric replied with a warm smile.  The dwarf ‘s expression changed back to its cold facade as he returned his gaze to Lavellan,  “I don’t care if how much he plays around with your thoughts! That doesn’t give you the right to hurt him!” Varric said with a hint of anger.  

 

Lavellan narrowed her eyes, the fire within them unwavering.  “He wasn’t just playing with my thoughts Varric. He was playing with my memories and reciting them as if they were simply pages of a book.” she replied.

 

“From what I heard, Inquisitor,” Varric began, “Cole only recited one memory. One that I do not remember happening.”

 

The Inquisitor’s eyes widened as Varric continued, saying, “A memory that if it means what I think it means, then it would explain why you’ve been acting so strange.”

 

Lavellan tossed her head away from the dwarf’s gaze.  This was just great.  Not only did Cole dig in her head like a Qunari re-educator, but now he had let Varric know what was bothering her.  “I have a bruise from the battle at the temple of Sacred Ashes.” she lied, “It’s just been hurting a lot lately.”

 

“Aelin, there may not be a lot of people in the Inquisition who can’t tell when you’re lying, but I can.” Varric replied, “So you can tell me what is bothering you.”

 

Lavellan snapped her head back towards Varric, her eyes still filled with fury.  “What’s the point of telling you when Cole has practically told you already?!” she yelled, “May as well ask him to speak out my other thoughts while he’s here!”

 

Varric and Cole looked at one another, the spirit confused and the dwarf concerned.  “Kid, could you leave Lavellan and me alone for now?” Varric asked.  Cole nodded his head slowly, and then disappeared as quickly as he had come.

 

“There, better?” Varric said with his arms outstretched to his sides.  

 

Lavellan’s eyes narrowed once again.  “What is this really about, Varric?” she asked her voice dripping with anger and annoyance.

 

The dwarf then motioned towards the couch.  Lavellan stood still for a few moments before sitting back on the couch behind her.  Varric sat beside her, keeping his hands on the cushion.  

 

“Look, Aelin,” he began, “Solas’s sudden disappearance has hit us all hard, not just you. I do think however that it has hit you harder than you thought it would.”

 

The elf woman locked her eyes to the ground, trying not to look at the dwarf.  Varric continued, “I may not entirely understand how it feels to be in your shoes right now, but I’ll try to help in any way I can.”

 

“And if you can’t?” Lavellan asked, “What if my situation is one that you can’t help me with at all, Varric? What then?”

 

Varric pondered this for a moment, and then replied, “Well then I’ll still whatever I can to cheer you up again.”  The dwarf then smiled.  “Nothing a few games of Wicked Grace couldn’t fix.”

 

Lavellan laughed for a minute or two, but stopped once her arm fell over her chest again, a natural habit of hers when she laughed, her hand covering the lower portion of her face.  The shape of the bone wasn’t evident on her shirt, but it press slightly against her skin.  The young woman’s smile faded as she removed her hand from her face.  She then felt the dwarf’ place his hand on her thigh in a comforting fashion.

 

“Listen Aelin, I know that you and Chuckles were close, but you can’t let the fact that he’s gone get to your head.” Varric said.

 

“How can I not think about it?” Lavellan asked, “He left without even saying goodbye...to anyone.”

 

“Which is why he left his necklace, right?” Varric asked,  

 

Lavellan shifted her eyes towards Varric.  The elf girl said, “You only know that because you heard Cole.”

 

“Actually, I’ve had my suspicions that you had it before I heard you and Cole.” Varric replied, “You’ve been placing your hand over your chest a lot lately. I figured you had to have something that belonged to him.”

 

Lavellan opened her mouth to speak, but Varric interrupted her, saying, “Now if I had known about the promise before, I would have known as soon as you insisted that you found nothing.”

 

The young woman sighed.  How could she have forgotten that Varric knew her so well?  After all, he had been with the Inquisition since the day it had begun.  Lavellan looked over at the dwarf, his face full of understanding.

 

“So what did you think I had before you heard Cole?” she asked, now wonderingly.

 

“To be honest, I’m not so sure. I just assumed it was something small.” he replied,

 

“Oh…”the girl said, casting her gaze downwards once more.

 

The pair sat there for a moment, not knowing what else needed to be said.  To be honest, Lavellan wanted Varric to leave her alone so that she could deal with her problems on her own, like she had intended to do originally.

 

Then Varric said something that she was not expecting.  “Well, if it helps at all, there are still somethings that need to be taken care of, now with the Inquisition officially a force to be reckoned with.” he said, “Perhaps that will take your mind off of your current problems.”

 

“And there are still rifts that have yet to be sealed.” Lavellan added, nodding her head slowly.  

 

“That too.” Varric agreed, a smile beginning to spread across his face.  

 

Lavellan however, was not so happy about that.  She knew how to close the rifts, that was for sure.  But how was she going to deal with all of the politics on her own?  Even though she still had Lelianna, Cullen, and Josephine to advise her, Solas wasn’t there to guide her or listen to her when she needed it the most.

 

Lavellan could feel Varric’s eyes on her, filled with concern once more.  “I know that stuff like this is a lot to take in all at once, but now is not the time to give in to your worries.” he said, “The Inquisition needs you now more than ever. We don’t just need a leader or someone who can close rifts. We need Inquisitor Aelin Lavellan.”

 

The Dalish woman felt her eyes fill up with tears as she processed Varric’s words.  He was right.  She didn’t have time to sit around and worry and think only of herself and her woes.  She had rifts to close and an army to lead.  Then, before she realized it, Lavellan did something that she had not done in a long time - Lavellan began to cry.

 

Lavellan hid her face behind her hands, feeling the tears as they ran down.  Her sobs soon became uncontrollable and she could not get herself to stop.  Varric put a comforting hand on her shoulder.  

 

As the young girl cried, she realized something - perhaps the reason why she didn’t tell anyone she had the necklace - wasn’t because she didn’t want anyone to know she had it, but because she felt that since it was left for her that she should deal with the situation on her own.  In hiding the necklace from everyone in Skyhold, Lavellan thought that she was being strong for everyone else, when really, she was trying to hide the fact that Solas wasn’t coming back.  For nine days Lavellan had hid his necklace, for nine days had wondered where he had gone and why he had left.  

 

As her tears began to stop, Lavellan closed her eyes and put her hand over the necklace once again.  Varric took his hand off of her shoulder.  “I’ll let you have some time alone.” he said, “Just remember that you can come and talk to me anytime you need something, all right?”

 

Lavellan nodded her head, her eyes still closed.  Varric hopped off the couch, and made his way to the door.  “See you in a little bit.” Varric said, and then shut the door.  

 

The girl sat there on the couch for a moment, and then lay back down the way she had before Cole came.  Perhaps she would be able to find him in…

 

“No.” Lavellan whispered into the air, and sat back up.  Then she did something that she did not think that she would done nine days ago - Lavellan took the necklace out from under her shirt and let it sit out for all to see.  There was no use in hiding it.  So what if she had it?  That just told everyone how devoted she and Solas were to one another.  

 

Lavellan then stood up, and wiped the tears off of her face.  Varric was right.  This was no time to be sitting and sulking in the corner.  There was work to be done.  The Inquisitor then exited the room, shutting the door shut behind her.

 

Nine days.  It had been nine days since Corypheus had been slain.  Nine days since all of Thedas had been saved from complete and utter destruction.  Nine days since Solas had left the Inquisition.  Nine days since he had suddenly disappeared without a trace.  Nine days that Lavellan had held back her tears and her worries.  Nine days since she had trusted anyone with any of her secrets.  And it had taken her nine days to find herself once again, to realize that things happen and that she could not let the “what ifs” and the “maybes”  haunt her and that she needed to move on.   

 

Nine days.